“Hello Mr. Gutierrez, I’m Detective David, the Assistant District Attorney of this city and I’ll tell you, we’ve got a lot of questions and you need to have a lot of answers. 12 bodies Mr. Gutierrez, 12. Why’d you do it?”
Yeah like this only hotter
On with the story, Robert or as he’s better known in the community, Robortamus the Destroyer, jealous of my female conquests, decided he wanted to sabotage me in the middle of our quest.
“Jesus Christ on crutches!” screamed David “How’d he do it?”
Well Alec we encountered a Giant Cave dragon who in a very smooth, debonair voice, probably played by Sean Connery, demanded we give all our gold to him for safe passage. Robert spewed through his fat pockets “I offer Steven’s super hot girlfriend!”. I jumped up “In the name of Gygax, how dare you!” I slammed my fist on the table. “I’ll allow it.” spurted the dungeon master, also fat and jealous. Robert rolled a 14, and once again I was single and I think I put on 50 pounds.
“This, but dragon.”
At this point of the night things get kinda weird you see in my depression I started tearing through that gamer fuel. “Have you ever drank 7 cases of gamer fuel in an hour Mr. Baldwin?” “No but I’ve always wanted to try. And my last name is actually Coy…not Baldwin.” I reached out and backhanded him “Look Billy, Alec, whatever, that’s not important you see after 7 cases of sweet, hot, gamer fuel I discovered it.” Now curious he asked “Discovered what?” Nerd Rage. I said “Nerd Rage?” Yes the fable was true, I transcended into a almost godly state of being. You see I became a total badass.
Pictured: total badass
Needless to say shit got real. I picked up my replica +2 short sword and charged at he who had done me wrong, Robert. No one was a match for me. You see I had the Nerd Rage on my side. I swung mercilessly at everything in my way, man, woman, cat, nothing was safe. “Well that explains the 3 bodies and 8 cats found dead at the scene but where does…” I slapped him again, “Stop vomitting words!” I shouted. “I’m not done.”
After successfully rolling my saving throw and escaping into the mist shrouded night of this suburban utopia, I came upon a dead body. Naturally, having not killed it myself, I decided to search it and take whatever gold this unlucky man had. I grabbed my dice and threw them. “Damn a 3″ I said. As I poked the dead man before me he jumps up not a dead man at all, but a thief. Drenched in a stench of alcohol and something else I couldn’t describe, he revealed himself. “You!” I shouted.
Rickrolled by the king himself.
Singing his siren song he approached me. “Never gonna give you up.” I unsheathed my +2 short sword and thrust it into the heathen’s gullet. As he let out his last breath I whispered “Never gonna let you down” and he passed onto eternity.
David obviously at this point a long lost Baldwin brother, got up and I knew he was going to speak when his mouth started to open.
“Well Mr. Gutierrez this is an obvious confession and we have enough to put you away for life. Anything you have to say for yourself?” Can I get a can of gamer fuel…one last time? “Well I don’t see why not” as he grabbed a can from the remaining cases of the previous night. I opened the can and started to sing. “Never gonna turn around and desert you.” As David Baldwin turned around he noticed I rolled a 12 but it was too late and I sneak attacked his genitals. As he lay dying I whispered “Never gonna give you up, never gonna say goodbye David Baldwin.” With his last breath he said “My name is David…Coy…”
In memory of David Coy Baldwin the long lost Baldwin Brother.
I’ve started seeking all above for this specific information. Luckily I just found it in Msn.